Due to the many important limitations to inventories such as this, your results should not be regarded as a diagnosis of any kind. At most, they should only be considered as an indicator of the type of actions that might hold some benefit for you.
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Stepparent Self Assessment
Male Norms
Introduction
Use this survey to see how well you are progressing in eight areas as a
stepparent.
If you are a female, click here
to take Stepparent Self Assessment - Female Norms.
Instructions
There is a total of 26 questions.
Every question requires an answer.
Choose the answer that most accurately shows how well
you believe you are doing in the area under consideration. For example,
select 0% to 10% if you feel you have little or no mastery over the area in
question--and higher scores to show increasing mastery over the area in
question.
Question 1
I care for myself responsibly, knowing if I do
not, I will have little or nothing to give to the people in my life whom I
care the most about.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 2
Outside of meeting my essential needs for
self-care, my relationship with my partner is my number one priority.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 3
I have fashioned my role in this stepfamily to
suit my individual relationships and comfort level, rather than to reflect
prescribed roles and unrealistic expectations-including my own.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 4
I am a full participant in all decisions that
stand to impact my relationship with my partner and my stepfamily. My
partner and I work as a team.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 5
I do not accept responsibility for the welfare
of children over whom I can set no limits.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 6
My stepchildren and I are quite "OK" with the
relationships we have with one another.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 7
I do not feel that my every waking moment
should be devoted to the children.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 8
I genuinely listen to understand, and strive to
communicate clearly, truthfully and respectfully.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 9
I treat each member of my stepfamily with
kindness, courtesy and respect-and require the same in return.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 10
I am respectful of the fact that most members
of a stepfamily have grief to heal.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 11
I do not allow people outside of my immediate
family to impose plans that affect my life without my consent.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 12
I set and honor realistic limits and
boundaries, and choose my battles wisely.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 13
I will not accept being treated as an
"outsider" in my own home.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 14
I do not assume sole responsibility for this
stepfamily's success or happiness.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 15
I do not assume sole responsibility for the
housework.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 16
I require that others respect my private space
and personal possessions.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 17
I do not see myself, nor anyone else, as "the
problem with this stepfamily".
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 18
I excuse myself from being "caught in the
middle" of conflicts between my stepchildren and their parents.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 19
I refuse to say anything derogatory about any
child's natural parent.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 20
Rather than clamoring for an instant family,
instant love, and instant acceptance, I am able to go slowly enough to
allow everyone time to find his/her unique place within this
stepfamily.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 21
I am reassured in times of difficulty knowing
that confronting and resolving difficulties helps to create the ties that
bind the stepfamily together.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 22
I'm strong enough and wise enough to seek out
the guidance and support I need; and to use it.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 23
I am confident enough in my relationship and
role, and knowledgeable enough about stepfamily life that I do not "take
things personally".
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 24
I have forgiven myself for all of the negative
thoughts, feelings, words, and actions I held or expressed about myself,
my partner, the kids and prior spouses.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 25
I'm able to give myself credit for my efforts,
for learning from my mistakes, and for the successes I have already
achieved.
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
Question 26
I allow myself to "relax" and "lighten up".
0% to 10% mastery
11% to 20% mastery
21% to 30% mastery
31% to 40% mastery
41% to 50% mastery
51% to 60% mastery
61% to 70% mastery
71% to 80% mastery
81% to 90% mastery
91% to 100% mastery
All questions require an answer.
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Male Norms
If you are a female, click