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Few of us are good mind readers. Be clear about expectations. Be clear with yourself; and be clear with others. For example, if an outing/holiday/special occasion is planned, take the time to discuss what each participant feels is the "minimum necessary" for the event to be a success for them.

Expect at least two stormy years as your stepfamily first forms; then a much more placid interlude of several years, and then expect that a good deal of turbulence will reappear as the children move into their teens.

Don’t expect to love your spouse’s children in the same ways that you love your own kids.

Don’t expect your spouse to love your children in the same ways that you love them.  

Don’t expect your spouse's children to love you simply because you love their parent.

Expect that there will be days when you feel like throwing up your hands and walking away. It will pass, and things will get better.

Your expectations may not need to be lowered; but they might need to be different.

 

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Stepfamily Foundation of Alberta